Divorce

This week in class our focus was on divorce. Some predictors that would influences the likely hood of divorce are as follows; non-religious, less education, parents divorced, age - very young, dual earner household, culture, and race. Those who marry young are more likely to divorce as they have received less education than someone who gets married latter on. We talked about the sex stations of divorce from Paul Bohannan. They are: emotional divorce, the loss of trust, respect, and affection of each other. Legal divorce is when a court officially brings the marriage to an end. Economic divorce is settlement of the property. Co-parental divorce is dealing with those who have children. Community divorce in which parents leave one community of friends and relations and enters another. The last one is psychic divorce, which is the central separation that occurs in which an individual must accept the disruption of the relationship and regain a sense of being an individual rather than a part of an intimate couple.

Some quick facts:

• Catholics have the lowest divorce rate among Christians
• Childless couples are more prone to divorce
• Women who are sexually active before marriage have a considerably higher rate of divorce than those who don't
• Females adjust to divorce better than men
• Divorced people have higher rates of suicide, accidents, physical and mental health problems and alcoholism
• It takes anywhere from 2-4 years to work through a divorce
• 70% after 2 years regret divorce
• Divorce are harder on boys than girl children.

Something to consider in all of this would be the mindset as well as the emotional state of both husband and wife who go through a divorce. If there are issues in either ones personality that needs to be worked on and changed and those are not eliminated or are at least acknowledged, those same issues will carry over into another relationship and could very well be detrimental to any new relationship. 

Parenting

        What is the purpose of parenting? It is to protect and prepare our children to survive, but to also thrive in our society. In class we have discussed what qualities parents should teach their children. These four qualities include : 1-Respect, 2-Cooperation (the ability to work with another person),

3- Responsibility (the ability to respond to challenges and opportunities) Responsibility=choice+consequences. 4- Courage (doing something that is taking a risk for an outcome) If we can teach these qualities to our children, they will continue to follow them throughout their lives.

         What kind of parent are you? Autocratic (authoritarian) – these parents are direct, put lots of pressure on their children, not much teaching taking place, giving them very few choices, its the parents way of the highway. These children usually are rebellious, dependent,and having no responsibilities. Permissive parents are more of a friend figure, they let the child do just about anything. These children are attention seeking from other people as they did not get that from home. The last type of parenting is active or (authoritative) which these parents are able to negotiate and talk with their child, they have a balance of control and choices for their children. Children are usually stable and well adjusted. These parents listen to their children and give them plenty of choices as well as giving them consequences and disciple when needed. They are loving to their children and yet still maintain control and respect.

         A parenting approach that we discussed was the “I” message. You can use this way of communication not just as a parent but in any situation or relationship you are in. This message has four parts:

1. “When you ( discuss the action)___________________,
2. “I Feel” (what are you feeling, discuss emotions) ___________________,
3. “becasue” (why is it making you feel that way) ___________________,
4. “I would like” (what can they do) ________________________.

         Parenting is a sacred responsibility that we should never take for granted or lightly!

"Parents should work to create loving, eternal connections with their children. Reproof or correction will sometimes be required. But it must be done sensitively, persuasively, with an increase of love thereafter lest the child esteem the parent to be an enemy (see D&C 121:43)." -M.Russell Ballard

 Parenting Message